Sunk into thoughts

As I read the Qur’an and see my sisters around me, I notice those that have been through a serious life and death situation, or done a major sin they greatly regret, or someone close to them passed away, they get affected by the Qur’an a lot more than one who has not gone through that. They keep referring back to that incident, that situation and take lessons from it. They realize the Qur’an, the Qur’an hits them. I would always get upset, why doesn’t the Qur’an hit me like that? Why didn’t I ever do anything bad that I could be affected by the Qur’an like that? Why didn’t any death around me affect me? When will the Qur’an touch me like that? I kept on asking Allah, please make the Qur’an touch my heart; make my heart tremble when I hear it, let me feel it. Alhamdulillah Allah answered my du’a.

This long weekend we went on a picnic. All us hostel girls went canoeing. I got onto the canoe with 2 other girls. We started paddling and wanted to go to every beautiful part of the lake. I was the one who wanted to adventure a lot more than the other girls and pushed them to have fun. We saw this tree and I wanted to go into that side and see it. We started paddling towards the tree and as we approached, I had second thoughts. Instead of paddling forward I tried to stop the canoe since we were going right into the tree branches.

The next thing I knew I opened my eyes and I was under water. It didn’t even take a split second. I remember looking up and seeing green water and light. The only thing I could think was I need air. I got back up on top of the water and tried to grab the tree branches but couldn’t and again sank into the water. Again I came up and grab anything I could. I got a hold of a branch but still sank into the water again. I started coughing and just wanted to breathe. My contacts moved and I couldn’t see clearly. I just remember the 2 other girls screaming for help and blowing the whistle. Alhamdulillah we were on the shallow side and we realized we could stand in the water. We held onto the boat and waited for someone to come and save us.

After this incident all I could think was Allah saved me. I could’ve just drowned right now, it could’ve been my time to go, but Allah gave me another chance. Instead of me coming home that day, I could have been taken to my grave. Was I really prepared? Did I think of Allah at that moment? What was going through my mind at that second? All I remember thinking was I need air; I need to get out of here. Allah was not even on my mind. Was Allah on my mind at all that day? That’s when I realized I never read my du’as that day. If I did pass away, what guarantee did I have to Jannah? What protection can I expect from Allah if I never remembered Him?

I also realized how in the end you are always alone. We three girls were together, and yet we were still alone. When we fell into the water, none of us turned to each other for help; none of us helped each other at that moment. We were only thinking of ourselves. We come in this life alone, and that’s how we’ll leave. No one will be able to help us, no one will save us. No lifeguard, no friend, no family, no boat, nothing can save you from death. When it’s your time to go, you’ll go. Nothing can stop you from facing death.

This is when I realized the importance of life, importance of my du’a, importance of my actions. I’m glad Allah taught me this lesson, the hard way, but taught me a lesson I won’t forget for the rest of my life, inshaAllah.

All it takes is one second, for your life to turn upside down…